The Pink Report

The Jason Uden Awards

Any of you who don’t know who Jason Uden is either haven’t been to too many Northern Districts games or don’t listen to Radio Sport. A first-class barracker and the team’s greatest supporter with the tattoo to prove it, Jason and his fellow agrarian mates were quite unmissable in their pink cowboy threads this summer - that’s what I call going the extra mile. So after a summer loyally supporting the boys through the good and the so-so, pink and proud to the end, I thought it only fair that we give Jason the floor to dish up a few of his opinions on the season.

Jason:

Right, simply put, this season has been one of complete and utter custard sprinkled with the odd individual moment of brilliance and achievement. A season that finished with no silverware is not one to be proud of, yet the management and players have all brought us great moments of success in the past and, I believe, will bring us more in the future. And as we all know, talkback callers have all the answers and are never wrong, so with that, here are my awards for the season just gone and my predictions for the season to come...

The Dear John Award. For providing years of faithful, outstanding service, only to be passed over for many inferior versions just because they were younger. This year's winner, Graeme Aldridge. Hamish Bennett? Yeah Right.

The Jennifer Aniston Award. To everyone else, this person would be the first choice. But the morons at the centre always pick the worn and used trailer trash. Our man Pete smacked a thousand runs off an over from one of the great bowlers in world cricket right now, Umar Gul, and yet he got passed over for World Cup duties in favour of Jamie the Jaw How.

The Fizzed Up Can of Coke Award. Daniel Flynn. Every time he batted he looked like he was in a hurry to explode and often he did. The highlight clearly being setting a new record for the highest individual score, 241 versus Otago. Someone needs to make sure Flynny is reading this because he promised me that bat, signed, and if I don't get it, I'll ring customs at Heathrow and tell them he has some white powder smuggled in a body cavity somewhere.

The Greg Norman Award. To the whole team. Seriously, Jesus was playing halfback for Nazareth the last time we won at Hamilton and if ever we were going to do it, it would have been chasing under 200 against Auckland. I know a choke can have various definitions, but that fourth innings effort has to rank as one of our better ones.

The Ricky Ponting Award. Punter was dropped three times from the Australian team throughout his career and went on to become one of their greatest-ever batsman. So this award goes to the cricket player who looks to be kicking on after having been dropped. Winners this season are both Daniel Flynn and BJ Watling. I have seen enough from these two now to think they will have very long international careers.

The Buck Shelford Award. The toughest dude there. Easily, Graeme Aldridge. Never complains. Never makes excuses. Plays through pain. Will hate the fact that he has been acknowledged with this title.

The Janet Jackson Superbowl Moment Award. Four supporters on a road trip to watch the Knights do battle with CD at Pukekura Park. We are wearing our backless, pink leopard skin cowboy chaps. Midway through the King Country we decide to stop for a drinks break at Piopio. This is real Colin Meads country. Normally, we would be asking for trouble at the best of times, but on this particular day, the town had gathered for the funeral of a long- time stalwart of the town. A strong man who had worked with his hands, in the outdoors all his life. We couldn't have scripted a more inappropriate time to be showing too much skin.

The Kim Hughes Big Sook Award. Totally unrelated to cricket, but it involves one of our esteemed Knights. Whilst out at the farm chopping firewood (by the way, if you need to buy any, ring ND Cricket and ask for Devi), Devi comes across some rodents.
"Mate, I ain’t coming back out there, you got rats hiding under that wood."
"Dude, they ain’t rats, they are field mice."
"Seriously, they are my Kryptonite, they were a foot long."
"Dude, when Irene uses the term ‘foot long’, it’s so as not to hurt your feelings, really, it’s more like four inches long."

The Reuben Thorne Award. In the words of the great Freddie Mercury, “I'm the invisible man...”. Captain Marshie missing one game of cricket for a wedding and then another game to prepare for a wedding. On the positive side, getting married to Margot meant at least there was one day this season where Marshie batted above his weight. Just joking mate.

The Shane Warne Bowling Performance of the Season. For the outstanding bowling performance by an ND bowler. The winner.....B.P. Martin. 36 Overs. 10 Maidens. Seven wickets for 97 runs. He might have been bowling for Auckland, but he will always be one of ours.

The Nugget of Gold Selection. Jimmy Baker and Brook Hatwell. Brook looks like he is batting for his life every time he is out in the middle. I would be quite happy to see him become a regular fixture within the team. Jimmy Baker's debut game against Auckland was exceptional. Big, strong, looks like he is full of heart. Bruce Martin reckons he will play 10 years and take 250 wickets for us.

The Please Let Us Redo That Selection Again. Not taking Bradley Scott to the one-day semi-final playoff in Queenstown. We only won two one-day games and frankly, at the end of both of those games, it was him standing up to be counted. Bowled poorly for three games in a row and was left out of the semi. We narrowly lost that game and our fifth bowling options went for thousands. I'm still gutted by that call.

The Champion Dude Award. We all know the line 'How cricket changed my life'. For me it was when I was an eight year-old and my grandfather was recounting the story of Sutcliffe and Blair and how proud he was of two New Zealanders overcoming great physical and emotional adversity to fight for the pride of themselves, their team and their nation. My grandfather had been a POW and was a bushman, just a hard man. Yet he was emotional retelling this story and at the point, I knew I was hooked. Well, earlier this season I watched a young boy have his own 'How Cricket Changed My Life' moment. And it was far more powerful than a grandfather bonding with his grandson...

This boy struggled a bit with confidence and maybe self-esteem. The sort that would struggle to look you in the eye when talking to you. A mad cricket fan, I asked if a couple of the guys could spend a bit of time with him prior to an HRV Cup game. Bradley Scott and Joey Yovich fronted. These two legends gave him an hour of their own time, playing out in the middle of the field, batting and bowling to him. They were genuine with him and treated him like an equal. The effect on the boy was dramatic and sudden. He looks people in the eye now when talking and takes great pride in the fact that Joey and Bradley were his mates, if for only for one day. He lives in Auckland, but will be a Northern Knights fan for life. Special mention must also go to Graeme Stewart and Grant Bradburn for allowing this same boy great access to the team for a whole day later in the season.

People who invest money, time and energy into Northern Districts cricket are not only investing in fine cricket players, they are also investing in very fine individuals.

Next Year’s Predictions. Simple. David Cooper will sign Sachin Tendulkar and Shahid Afridi and the Knights will kill the HRV Cup and give me an excuse to go to India to watch us play. Brad Wilson will lead all scorers on the domestic front and join Flynny, BJ and Kane in the BLACKCAPS top order. In their absence, Grant’s second tier of players will come through and dominate the one-day comp and Marshie will go a whole summer wedding-free and lead us to the Plunket Shield. And pink backless cowboy chaps will not be seen anywhere outside of Trent Boult’s place.